JOKES ABOUT SNORING!

Snoring has been the brunt of many jokes, but it is no laughing matter. Snoring affects persons of all ages, but particularly middle aged and older persons. It is estimated that over 50% of adult males and 30% of adult females may be affected by snoring.

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SNORING - IS NOT A JOKE  

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This really happened to me,  last summer our family and another family went
camping well I told everybody that they better get to sleep before I did because I snore really bad.  Well after putting up with all the snoring jokes all weekend everybody survived.  But just a couple weeks later we were invited over to the other families house for a Party and the subject of the conversation some how got on the topic of snoring, well before the other Lady (NOT MY WIFE) thought about what she was saying she Blurted out "You haven't Slept until You've Slept with Dan" So I finally got the chance to redeem my self and tell her "That's What All The Women Say".

DAN PETER

A woman is escorted into the courtroom on charges of murdering her husband.
Prosecution: How was your husband-killed ma'am'?
Woman: He was suffocated with a pillow.
Prosecution: Were you the person who suffocated your husband with the pillow?
Woman: Yes, yes I did.
Prosecution: But why ma'am, why would you kill your own husband?
Woman: The snoring was horrible, you try sleeping next to him.

Nora

THIS JOKE IS THE MOST POPULAR ON THE INTERNET

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."  The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better."  The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine" explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." 

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
- To stop the snoring before it starts.

Patient : Doctor, as soon as I fall asleep I start snoring?
Doctor : Is your snoring loud?
Patient : Yes, very.
Doctor : And does it bother your wife?
Patient : I’m not married.
Doctor : Then what’s the problem.
Patient : I have lost five jobs because of it.

ANOTHER VARIATION OF THE MOST POPULAR SNORING JOKE ON THE INTERNET

The Weary Traveler

Every hotel was full when the tired driver pulled into town late that night. At the largest hotel he pleaded with the night manager to please find him some place to sleep, " Any bed will do - just a place to sleep."

"Well there is one regular client who always says that if we are ever full, he will be glad to split the cost of his room with someone. But I must warn you, he snores like a volcano; and we get lots of complaints from neighboring rooms." "That will be no problem," said the weary traveler, "just show me to the room."

Next morning the man came down to breakfast looking rested and full of life. The manager said, "How'd you sleep?" "Never better!" "And the snoring didn't keep you awake?" "Slept like a baby." This was too much for the manager's curiosity, "How did you ever manage that?"

Simple, "He snored like thunder the whole time I was getting ready for bed, but once I was ready to sleep I simply went over to him, kissed him on the cheek and said, 'Good night cutie'. He sat bolt upright, and watched me like a hawk the rest of the night."

Post-Nuptial Contract

Clause Ten: It is entirely inappropriate to wake someone up to tell him he
is snoring. What's he supposed to do about it when he's AWAKE? And
there's no concrete evidence that I snore, anyway. I think you faked that
tape recording. If you believe I may be snoring, the proper action is to
make sure I am entirely comfortable, and then maybe I'll stop. Instead of
digging an elbow into my ribs, try fluffing up my pillow.

Politically Correct sayings

She does not: SNORE
She is: NASALLY REPETITIVE

WOMEN DO NOT:
SNORE
BURP
SWEAT
OR FART
THEREFORE: THEY MUST BITCH OR THEY WILL EXPLODE

Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock.

COMPUTER WRITING

:)    Happy

|^o   Snoring

Strange Laws in America

Massachusetts:

1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.

3.  An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

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